Big Smoke

I made a couple of decisions with the birthday trip this year that I'm not 100% confident in. They are all from lessons I have learned from the past and I'm trying to apply them in my life.

Lesson one:
Don't fly without sleeping.

The thing is, even if I set three alarms (laugh all you want, I've done it) or my flight is at a decent hour, I will still have nightmares about missing my flight because I slept through my alarm/didn't set my alarm. As a result, I will wake up frequently to check all three alarms. Yup, still set. Back to sleep and later, rinse repeat. Then my alarms go off and I don't feel rested.

I got four hours of sleep this time.
I was in a tiny bit of a rush with last minute things before I left the house, but nothing too bad. Then the cab was later than I'd like.

It's a pretty quick ride to the airport, especially at ass in the morning but it doesn't stop me from panicking a little. I've already checked in, I know the airport isn't busy, I have done this before. Breathe. I get to the airport and check my bag. The lovely WestJet man tells me I don't have to wait in line, I can use the self-service kiosk. No, I cannot. He assures me that I can and I tell him I can't because the last name on my passport is hyphenated and the machines don't like that. He insists on seeing this (not rudely, purely out of curiosity). I show him and sure enough. He says he's never seen it before but he doesn't see a lot of hyphenated last names. I eventually get my boarding pass from a person and breeze through security. It is now half an hour before my flight and I can admit to some minor panicking. I can also admit to some minor stupidity because I mistook my seat number for the gate number. Whoops. This isn't a big deal in YYT because you can stand at any point in the departures lounge and see all of the gates at once.

A few minutes after I get to the departures lounge, they call my flight. This is the closest I've ever been to the call and I don't like it.

In Toronto I have two plans: Canada's Walk of Fame and the Hockey Hall of Fame. It would be nice to get to Queen's Park but not going there - yet being so physically close and unaware - has become the cosmic joke of my life.

Prior to 2015, this side trip would not have been possible. It would have been and expensive and time consuming cab ride from Mississauga to Toronto with no guarantee of a timely return. In 2015, they opened the UP train, which operates from Pearson to Union Station, in the heart of downtown Toronto. It also costs $12 for a long layover (up to 7 hours) return, which is perfect for me. It takes about 25 minutes, which beats the hell out of at least 45 minutes in a cab at a cost of at least $50 - each way.  The train ride is excellent and I would highly recommend it to anyone travelling to/from Toronto. (The trip is also possible with a combination of GO Train and TTC, but the connection is a nightmare.)
There was the added bonus of a discount to the Hockey Hall of Fame and a couple of other sites with my ticket!

Cyclone Taylor, James, and Ken Dryden.

It is apparently the 100th anniversary of the Leafs which is worth celebrating? Or something. As a result, the first part of the hall is take up by Leafs everything. Boo Leafs. There is a video constantly running in the back ground (you can see it in the picture) of a bunch of former Leafs, Leafs broadcasters, Leafs spouses, and current Leafs talking about .... well, the Leafs. Not one mentions that the plural of leaf is leaves. The exhibit is full of all kinds of historical Leafs stuff. The video mentions Tim Horton and how he got in a car accident on his way home from seeing his friends and he died. Hats off to the mom who said to her young son, "Because he was drunk."

The HHOF is housed in a former bank. In one room is the actual Hall of Fame with names and trophies. It is overwhelming. On a platform at the front of the room is the actual, real life, Stanley Cup. There is a guy there to take pictures that you pay for, but apparently understands that not everyone wants the same picture/to pay for it. So you can take your own. And I did. James is here with the Calgary Flames. The guy said I could touch the Cup and I nearly cried; he said this was fairly common. 

In the vault area of the bank, you can see the old, original Stanley Cup. 

Lanny!

Joe!

Douggie!

There are a lot of nifty exhibits and a lot of interactive things. I spent probably two hours wandering around. 

James spent time with the superior Eastern team.

Doc Seaman's Stanley Cup ring.

From the HHOF, I revel in the beauty of a city built on a grid system. How I missed you, grid system. 

Toronto manages to mess with the perfect grid system by giving the streets names instead of numbers and no wayfaring points. Sure, occasionally there are "points of interest" signs with a "five minute walk" circle in them, but no sense of direction or a "you are here" marker. Thanks, Toronto. 

Eventually I find the Walk of Fame.

In order: Glenn Gould, Michael J. Fox, Anne Murray, John Candy, The Tragically Hip, Robert Munsch, , Shania Twain, Terry Fox, Toller Cranston, and Celine Dion. Click to embiggen.

What sets Toronto apart from the rest of the world? What makes it a world class city?
A great big eyesore of a structure. A structure that is proud and free standing, just like Canadians. 

In short, the world's tallest, free standing phallic symbol.

It is time for me to get back to the airport. This is quick and painless thanks to the fantastic UP train. Well, mostly: Union station is under construction complete with blocked entryways and no clear directions. "Use door on north side of Bay Street." Well...okay, where's Bay Street? An arrow wouldn't cost more to print - just saying, Toronto.

Turns out, my flight is delayed. A lot. So I'm in Pearson for a LOT longer than I want to be. This is not enjoyable. While trying to rearrange connecting flights for the passengers, the airline notices I don't have a connection or a return from Beijing. I learn - after 35 years and 360 days - that my last name rhymes with machine. I go to the desk and explain that no, I will be flying out of Hong Kong on the 17th. No need to worry.

Next: China!

Not a birthday trip part six: Hoodoos and Mormons

I am not at all keen on boats. Call it a lesson learned. Mom went on a Float the Bow trip earlier this year, where you get in a pontoon, with someone else rowing and talking about the Bow River. It's pretty neat and Mom was excited to go. So we went.

Bow Falls is always spectacular, more so since the floods of 2013. The flow rate hasn't decreased and the water level hasn't dropped to as low as it used to me. There are boulders under those falls and I've walked across the Bow River just out of the frame. That's not possible now.

you can see the high water mark here: it was at the top of the grey-ish portion of the sandstone.

There are hoodoos! Hoodoos are mostly found in the Drumheller/Badlands area. There are a couple of sets in Banff - one you can see from the highway and this one. There are a couple of other areas too but we didn't get to them.

I got out of the boat and was really impressed with myself that I didn't puke. Our guide was fantastic; he was young but very knowledgeable about the area. Not only in the tourist stuff but in a lot of the indigenous history too. If you like boats, I would highly recommend Rocky Mountain Raft Tours.

We spent a couple of days around Calgary following our Rocky Mountain adventures. I missed my Rockies. A lot.

I've always been fascinated with religion and religious buildings. Wherever I go, there is usually some kind of church or temple I can tour. I've found I can learn a lot about a culture by how they use religion to express themselves. I've been inside some of the grandest churches in the world. I've been kicked out of a Jamatkhana, I've seen black Jesus. I've seen Giant Jesus.
I've never seen the inside of a Mormon temple.

I did not get to see inside this one either. Mom has! I have not.
The building itself is a lot greyer than most Mormon temples I've seen pictures of, which are so white they will blind you in the sun (much like the congregation). The grounds are spectuacular, however, and very well maintained. This one is done in a very modern, art deco style.

The general motif is wheat for Alberta because I guess oil derricks were too gauche.

It was a really great trip overall and I'm glad I went. The reason sucked beyond meaning but it was necessary and important.

Next: birthday trip!

Not a birthday trip part five - Spiral Tunnels! UNESCO sites!

As we are driving to the Spiral Tunnels in Field, BC, we see a train coming. Since there is no guarantee of there being a train at the tunnels, we (and everyone else on the highway) decide to boot it. We beat the train there and I'm reading the signs before it gets too crowded. We got a good spot to view the tunnels.

I turned to my mom and said, "Do you know what they say about the tracks?"
Mom says that no, she does not.
"They say," I said sagely, "That there is one dead Chinese man for every mile of the track."
"Is that what they say?" Ernie asked.
"That's what they say," I nodded.
Mom doesn't understand why this is funny.

There are three points where you can see the train and if you're lucky you can see it entering the tunnel and exiting at the same time.

This was a long ass train so we got to see it at all three points (look for the colour in the bottom right).

It took a good half an hour from beginning to end.
The spiral tunnels will always be remarkable to me because they prove that where there's a will, there's a way.

The Kicking Horse River is beautiful and patient, despite how it rages. It has worn a path through the rocks over countless millennia and will continue to do so until well past when we're all gone.

The water will do as it pleases.

I have a habit of inadvertently collecting UNESCO World Heritage sites. I have visited probably about 50 in my lifetime with a goal of seeing more. In fact, my "win the lottery" trip is with a company that takes a year or two and travels to all the UNESCO sites in the world, first class.

Since naming Burgess Shale as a UNESCO site, it has been reclassified - along with Banff, Jasper, Kootenay and Yoho national parks and Mount Robson, Mount Assiniboine and Hamber provincial parks - as one site, Canadian Rocky Mountain Parks. Which is kind of bogus because Burgess Shale was a site for reasons other than a "striking mountain landscape". There were Cambrian and almost Pre-Cambrian fossils of marine animal life and is one of the most significant fossil areas in the world. Even though it is within the park, it should still be its own site. But I digress.

Emerald Lake is pretty. So is Burgess Shale.

Your bear bells are ineeffective.

As is your sign.

Next: Banff!

Not a birthday trip part four - 20 year long wait

When Calgary celebrated its 100th anniversary of incorporation of a city in 1996, I bought a book about the people behind the place names of the city (Col. McLeod, Bob Edwards, Deerfoot, and so on), and some of the more unique features of the city (the bones from Chicken on the Way that help fortify the Calgary Tower, the cryogenic frozen bull semen encased in a statue on Stampede grounds). The name of the book escapes me now but I loved it. It was really helpful in my early history geek ways. If I wanted to know more about the Edworthy or Riley families or who Princess Oblensky was, I would turn to this book. The book wasn't limited to Calgary either; it had a lot of information on the surrounding area, including the Torrington Gopher Hole Museum in Torrington, Alberta. I hounded Mom forever to visit because come on, what could be better? But she never bit. I was always so sad and disappointed.

Some time in June, Mom finally went to the World Famous Torrington Gopher Hole Museum and fell as in love with it as I am. There would be nothing stopping me now from fulfilling this 20 year long dream.

Clem T. Gopher greets you.

 Admission to the museum is $2.00 and it is worth every single penny. The premise is simple - taxidermy gophers in everyday scenes of a small town. Each scene is in an approximately two foot square box and each gopher has its own personality. Some have talk bubbles, some don't.

A few of the scenes have advertisements for local businesses. A lot of care and attention have obviously gone into them and a sense of humour is maintained throughout.

If you've got 14 minutes (and I know you do), I strongly recommend watching CBC's Short Doc on the museum and it's unbelievable curator Dianne Kurta here. You'll tear up.

We carried on through the middle of Alberta and the vast expanses of canola. Lots of canola. It was actually hard on the eyes.

We went to Dry Island Provincial Park, were Mom frightened a young lady. The young lady was there with her 8 month old baby and Mom asked, "is this Chloe?" and the girl (rightfully) freaked out a bit. Mom pointed out the baby's name was on the keychain in the young lady's other hand. Creepy, Mom.

Drumheller is on one of my coworker's bucket lists. It's strange to me because this has always been part of my back yard and doesn't strike me as a "bucket list" kind of place. But I guess a museum full of stuffed gophers isn't on everyone's list either.

World's Largest Dinosaur

In order to get to Drumheller and surrounding areas, you have to take the Bleriot Ferry over the Red Deer River.

We went for a hike in Horseshoe Canyon. This was not an easy hike for me - I was huffing and puffing the whole time because a) it was hot as and b) the altitude is a killer. When you've spent six years doing most of your hiking at sea level, your body gets used to an oxygen rich environment. Once it is used to that, climbing anywhere else becomes a chore. Worth it, however.

While digging for geodes for my coworker, I managed to cut the heel of my hand. I did not notice this until Mom pointed it out while we were climbing up the canyon. 

Mom: You're bleeding.
Me: *looks* Oh. So I am.
I wash it off as best I can. It's not a big cut, there's some coal dust in it but no big deal.
Mom: So am I! *shows me her pinky finger with a small scratch*
Me: Aww. Would you like a bandaid? I've got one in the car.
Mom: My cut is worse.
Me: ....what? Why?
Mom: Because I have cancer.
Me: ...of the cut finger?
Mom: Cancer makes everything worse.

Next: Banff!!

Not a birthday trip! Part three

Calgary is beautiful. It always has been and always will be (even if they were a little heavy handed with the Brutalist architecture at times). It is a city split four ways by two rivers and each of the quadrants is different. The people are split by the rivers and quadrants too; I know people from the NW who will not venture into the NE or SE and people from the SE who won't go in to the SW. Strange, but these physical dividers become mental dividers as well, until we're willing to explore past them.

I spent the day exploring my old stomping grounds. I wandered around Edworthy Park and was amazed/shocked/saddened by how much damage the flood in 2013 had done. Truly amazing and shocking what nature can do to itself. Entirely new land bars were created in the river, banks were washed out and paths were rerouted. It honestly blew my mind.

Downtown changed too. We drove around to a lot of the spots that had been flooded out and had no business being under as much water as they were. I don't like to see my city suffering like that.

We did go up to Scotsman's Hill, however. This was not affected by the floods but the Stampede Grounds it overlooks were.

After spending some time in Ramsay, we ventured in to the East Village.
Growing up, the East Village was a place to avoid at all costs. It wasn't safe, period.
Many mayors had tried to clean it up and it was in progress when I moved away. To come back to it being nearly done was phenomenal. It is walkable, clean, safe and very beautiful. A massive change from the shells of buildings and people and the syringes on the ground.

Two beautiful rivers, the Bow and Elbow.

The sun was getting low and a beautiful moon was rising. Ernie was willing to stay there all night and snap pictures of the moon rise but we moved on instead.

My city's icons.

Next up: 20 years later.....

Not a Birthday Trip! Part Two

Waterton Lakes National Park is an exceptional park. It is primarily forgotten amongst the flash and dazzle of Banff and that suits the park just fine.

Along the way, we stopped in to see Auntie Roseanne and Paul. I haven't seen Auntie since I was 18 so it was a lot of fun. We all had a really fantastic chat and a good time before carrying on. It's funny though, how strong the McKenna DNA is. Mom and Uncle Jack look like Gramma Jessie while Auntie Sandra and Auntie Roseanne look like Grampa. Regardless, all of us (Mom, Auntie and I) look scarily alike.

One of the many, many thinks I love about Alberta is the diversity of the scenery. 

We stopped at Red Rock Canyon, a place I've never been to before.

I would like to remind readers that we are in a national park in Canada - a first world country. These parks are well established but poorly funded. Our previous government didn't believe in funding things like the military, or national parks or non-oil based resources. As a result, money spent on the national parks system went ..... well, we don't know where it actually went but we know where it didn't go - the toilets.

We arrived at the same time as a group of British tourists. Our national parks system is world class and attracts people from literally everywhere. If you take a second to offer a smile and to take someone's picture with their camera (because selfies suck, and so do pictures with only most of the family/group), you'll find that people have come from around the world to visit the mountains. These people will also need to use the washroom. I did too. The young British ladies were loudly unimpressed that they were drop toilets in the middle of a national park. So was I. But when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Red Rock Canyon is aptly named and simply stunning. Google is giving up nothing in regards to the make up of the rocks but that doesn't really matter. They're gorgeous.

In Waterton, we five bears.

Two were on the golf course - a mama and a cub. They were having a snack on the greens before retreating to the other side of a wind break. A guy came along to play the hole, not knowing the bears were less than five metres away! They didn't eat him and I am only mildly disappointed. Two more were having a snack on the side of the road and the fifth was lounging in a field.

After a picnic dinner, we did some geocaching around the lake. 

Next: City times!